When I say I support women and their reproductive choices, I mean it, wholeheartedly,
Recently, I received a personal message from a woman, who was in the midst of a dilemma, in a group I follow in BabyCenter.com. She had seen one my comments that I shared on a post where I touched briefly and lightly on all three of my choices. She asked me to elaborate.
At first I was hesitant. I waited a couple days before replying. I needed to gather my thoughts. Since I have made three different choices due to unplanned pregnancies with three varying outcomes that led to a multitude of emotional residue, I didn’t feel it would be fair to build up one choice as a better alternative than another. I also didn’t want to convince or persuade her in one way or another of what she should or shouldn’t do. That’s not my place. It would be no more fair of me to glorify open-adoption then it would be to glorify single parenting.
I strongly believe that I have no right to evoke a thought that may persuade any woman to make one choice over the other. However she decides to move forward in her pregnancy, she is the one who will live with her choice for remainder of her life.
I know what it’s like to have others pressure you into making a choice that is their preferred outcome. It makes one feel insecure and inadequate. When someone forces or coerces another person or tries to paint a picture that is not based on facts but on their own limited perception, it’s all about control. It’s one person trying to take another’s power away. For some, they want to create their version of the perfect outcome of someone else’s life, as if they are God. While others are conveying from a personal point of view, as if this had happened to them, this is what they would choose or maybe have chosen. But the truth is, it’s not happening to them. It’s happening to the woman who is pregnant and is faced with a choice about her future.
Who am I to tell another woman what is best for her. I have no right to tell another human being that she should end the life that is in her womb. Neither do I have a right to influence her to surrender her newborn infant. And I surely don’t want to guilt someone into parenting. My intent is to provide as much information as possible for a well-rounded image. Not all rosy, not all dark. Not all positive, not all negative. But always the truth.
I will say that I do understand and sympathize with the women who have become anti-abortion or anti-adoption because of their own personal experience and emotional trauma more so than coming from a man or woman who has never experienced a similar circumstances or choice in their life. Woman who have lived through these experiences and life alterations are biased because of their involvement. As sisters, we may not want another woman or mother to have to endure the gut wrenching pain that becomes a part of the aftermath of such turmoil. We feel it’s our duty to protect other woman from this heartache and emotional mind game.
I guess that’s why I wrote One Woman’s Choice. And I’ve had people upset with me because I discuss abortion and they do not approve of abortions. Others who didn’t know me or my story before reading One Woman’s Choice said they were sad when they came to the page that told of my signing relinquishment papers because they were hoping that I had decided not to go through with the adoption. While others felt I glorified adoption as a wise, religious choice.
The three most important things that I want people to understand after reading One Woman’s Choice are these:
- Men are equally as responsible for unplanned pregnancies as women.
- No one has the right to suggest, force or coerce a woman to make a choice (aborting, parenting or relinquishing)
- God is a loving God. And despite what some think, even after abortion, God is a loving God.
Truth is, there are no easy answers, no common outcome. The issues are too complex and every circumstance is unique. And if we choose abortion or adoption, the road to recovery is experienced in many different ways. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or heal. My experience may be very different than someone else’s. It doesn’t mean that either one of us is right or wrong, or weaker or stronger; we’re just different in our human experience.
In the end, I respect woman enough to know that with honest feedback, knowledge (pro’s and con’s), and compassion, we are very capable of making a well informed decision. And when all is said and done, I will be here to support my sisters as best as I can, no matter what choice they decide to make.