But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6
I was recently hired by the employer that I had been working as a temp for the last few months. One of the things that I noticed at my new place of employment is the humility of the employees and even the management staff. They even include the word “humble” along with respect, integrity and fairness in their employment contract. Now that’s very unusual. I can tell you that after working in the corporate world for the past twenty plus years, humble people is not a common trait seen among the corporate workforce. What a concept. To have humble, compassionate and nice people to work with.
A phone conversation I had over 30 years ago with the mother of the boyfriend I had been dating at the time turned very sour. She had overheard a conversation and decided she needed to confront me about it. Someone remarked, “Karen might be pregnant.” My boyfriend’s mother immediately assumed that it was her son’s girlfriend (aka me), also named Karen. After accusing me of being pregnant, she then tells me that I was not going to have this baby and that I needed to get an abortion. Assuring her that I was not pregnant and telling her it must have been another Karen, I decided to go one step further. I asked her why she didn’t like me. What had I done? I knew that she didn’t care for me. A person knows when someone likes or loves them and when someone doesn’t. That’s part of how friendships are formed. Besides having things in common, we feel a warm endearing presence from another who also seems to enjoy our presence when we’re together.
Well, I didn’t get that warm fuzzy feeling from my boyfriend’s mother. Her response, “You’re too nice.”
How do you respond to that?
Years later, when I looked back, I would joke about it with some friends and comment, “I should have told her to go “f” herself and then maybe she would have liked me more.”
This wasn’t the first time that someone made this kind of opinion of me. I recall my mother and older brother saying this is why they believed our stepdad liked my sister, Colleen better than me. I think their exact words for the reason, “Dad likes Colleen more because she’s tough and doesn’t take any shit.” He had more respect for my sister as opposed to me, because I was the meeker one. Seems kind of strange, doesn’t it; to dislike someone because their too nice or to like someone more because they’re harsher.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY (You like me, you REALLY like me!)
People around in my later years would be quite surprised to hear that I was “too” nice. Boy, have I changed.
I guess being a mom has changed me a lot. My protective maternal instincts sparked very early. I started off battling prejudices from the time I got pregnant. For those of you, who have children, imagine having to experience one of the most exciting moments of your life without the support of your loved ones. I was a fragile fish, who just wanted to grow and nurture her baby, swimming among the sharks.
I would have many more opportunities to prepare my heart for battle. Racism can make a person very callous. Dealing with the looks, the rejection, the “we’re better than” attitude can be flat-out exhausting. Then after becoming a birth mother, another layer of social assumptions and prejudices were added. My skin got tougher and my meekness was slowly fading away. I would look back and think how blind and naïve I was before I entered into this world of mixed races and birth families. The reality can be disheartening at times. I had no idea how the world was until I was on the receiving end. I became bitter and insensitive. Sometimes I was downright mean. Nope, I had decided that I wasn’t taking no more shit from anyone. I had listened to their shit and shoveled their shit for far too long. If they wanted to throw shit my way, I was going to through it right back in their face. See how they liked it.
Sometimes I feel as though I’ve been given a test and I think that I may be failing. But those who were placed in my life to love me unconditionally have failed on some level as well. It’s a ripple effect. Once the object makes contact with the water, the ripple begins and we can never go back and stop the movement. The ripple has already occurred and the action is already in process.
Funny thing is though, once you allow yourself to become like them, you no longer like who you’ve become. So I’ve been trying to find my way back to my meek heart.
But I will always stand up against injustice.