The Box

I wrote this poem when I was in high school, over 30 years ago.  It was originally written in pencil but I retyped it for this post.  I also drew this picture.  I don’t draw very well, now or back then.  That’s one talent I didn’t get.  However, somehow I managed to draw this picture which accurately conveys how I felt in this poem…

 

“I’m in a box inside myself from which I can’t give or receive love.  I tried so many ways to get myself out but it’s like a jail with a dictator who says I can never learn to love or receive love until I know what love means.  Until I find out how to feel it, know it, express it, love it, and let it love me.  To be free and easy.  I have to be honest with myself in order for myself to be honest with me.  These things I have to learn.  Until then, I’m a box inside myself from which I have no feelings.”

Solemn Sadness…

Image

I Dreamed of You…

You entered my womb without a sound,
Patiently waiting to be found.

Without effort, we bonded to each other
You become my child…I, your mother.

And I dreamed of you…

I provided nutrients, your living bowl
I became your life line….you, my little soul.

You snuggled inside, warm and tight
You became my courage, my inner light.

And I dreamed of you…

The time had come and you were complete
Our bodies worked together, we didn’t miss a beat.

I held you in my arms, thankful for my gift
You became my weight, I became your lift.

Noah's birthAnd my dream came true…

I hugged you… kissed you… and tenderly said good-bye.

I became your birth mother…you, my absent child.

And I dreamed of you…..

THE DREAM, from the book, One Woman’s Choice

The Dream

I had a dream one night. It seemed I was speaking with someone of great importance. Much was said, but I only remembered one thing. It was as if I was given a secret.

I was asked, “What is the opposite of love?”

Of course I responded, “Hate,” because this has always been my interpretation of the two sides.

I was wrong, in a sense. I was informed that the opposite of love is lie. I was perplexed for a moment. When I awoke, I lay in bed and pondered my dream, trying to make more sense of the message. As I lay there, the answers became clear. No matter what you put up against love, it would all be a lie. I thought, Could it really be this simple?

Soon thoughts became clearer in my mind.

• Hate is based on a lie.
• Fear is based on a lie.
• Shame is based on a lie.

Many crimes are based on one of the above. A lie has to be spoken, heard, and believed in order to choose anything other than love.

God is love; God is truth. I choose love.

Written by, Karen Whitaker

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, that he who loveth God love his brother also.—1 John 4:20–21

Unexpected Mother

 
We shared our love so gingerly
As many times before
With smooth strokes and soft kisses
A heart beats for more.
 
My eggs were patiently waiting
They had a hungry need
You generously left your legacy
You deposited your seed.
 
I waited and I waited
For that special time to come
Until I finally realized
The deed had been done.
 
I called you and told you
We conceived our first child
The words that came out your mouth
Were now words of denial.
 
You loved me so generously
So many times before
How could you not love me
When God has provided us more?
 
I now have a choice to make
God, what should I do
This man that you created
I’ve learned is untrue.
 
He denies me his love
He denies his own child
What kind of life can I create
God looked at me and smiled.
 
Dear child, do not worry
About the one who refuses
For my love is greater
Then any man who bruises.
 
This child you have conceived
This child is My creation
This child you have given life
This child is a new generation.

1998 Jaren's birth

__ Written by, Karen Whitaker