Gladney’s Birthmother App: Same Game, Different Name

Wow, I am in shock at the audacity of Gladney. I am thankful this blogger took the time to capture all this information before it was removed. Proof of what we have been saying. And not only the agencies use these tactics. Even our own family.

velvet bocephus

Babies on Demand

In a 2016 post from The Federalist, “Why So Many Families Who Want To Adopt Can’t”, there was a claim that “Nearly two million infertile couples in the United States are actively trying to adopt a child.” Most articles do estimate waiting couples to be between 1 million and 2 million; child meaning infant specifically. In the same article, it was estimated that the average couple spends “as much as $45,000 to an adoption agency” during the process of (infant) adoption. In a 2017 post from AP News, “As number of adoptions drops, many US agencies face strains”, it was stated that “the number of infant adoptions remained relatively stable at about 18,000.” The drops have been seen in other forms of adoption, specifically international.

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If we do the math, that is:

2,000,000 waiting couples / 18,0000 infants adopted = 111 waiting couples…

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Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners

Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners

“To understand this increased risk of sexual or physical harm, it is helpful to consider the lack of oversight which occurs when both biological parents are no longer working as a team. Ideally, parents work together to teach children body safe rules, observe children in play particularly with older peers, and thoughtfully choose care providers. Post-divorce, this doesn’t always happen. Another explanation for these increased risks of harm connects to the potential negative/dangerous role older step/bonus siblings can play in the lives of younger children. (Even when sexual or physical abuse by an older step/bonus sibling is not a factor, children who live with step/bonus siblings are more aggressive.) Yet, most significantly, one must face the difficult truth that the primary cause of harm to children in blended family settings is the unrelated, usually male, adult – brought into the mix through romantic involvement with the biological parent.”

Dear Adoption, You Disassembled My Life Unnecessarily

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Dear Adoption, You Disassembled My Life Unnecessarily

I grew up in an open adoption. My birth mom went to church with my adoptive parents. Christa was 17 when she got pregnant with me and her parents would not let her live in their home and raise me. They didn’t offer her any assistance and pounded into her how much shame she brought on their family.

Christa’s mother approached my adoptive mom and asked if they’d be interested in adopting me. It wasn’t a secret that my adoptive parents had struggled to get pregnant for 7 years.

Christa agreed but she wanted the adoption to be open (an open adoption means she would be able to see me from time to time).

I always knew Christa. I never called her mom.

Christa never felt like my mom even though we looked a lot alike. As a kid I didn’t really understand…

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Remember, Woman

In honor of Women’s History Month, a beautiful poem about women.

Reese Leyva

Remember, Woman, you were born
++life giver, miracle creator, magic maker.

You were born with the heart of a thousand mothers,
++open and fearless and sweet.
You were born with the fire of Queens & conquerors,
++warrioress blood you bleed.
You were born with the wisdom of sages & shamans,
++no wound can you not heal.
You were born the teller of your own tale,
++before none should you kneel.
You were born with an immeasurable soul
++reaching out past infinity.
You were born to desire with passion, abandon,
++and to name your own destiny.

Remember, Woman, remember
++you are more than you can see.
Remember, Woman, remember
++you are loved endlessly.

Remember, Woman, your power and grace,
++the depth of your deep sea heart.
Never forget you are Woman, divine,
++as you have been from the start.

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The Baby Peddlers

If you have not read much about adoption, this is the one to read. Investigative journalism at its best.

“When WCAU-TV did an adoption series eight months ago, reporter Jim Walker ran into the same practice. His crew filmed one Northeast housewife talking to a Miami lawyer about adopting a baby that was then a six-month-old fetus, a fetus that already had a $10,000 price tag on its head. The lawyer also asked for a $1500 deposit before the baby was born.”

Maury Z. Levy: Greatest Hits, Volume One

phillymag_baby-web

[Author’s note: This story led to major Congressional hearings in DC, led by Sen. Walter Mondale. The hearings resulted in new legislation. The story also won some awards.]

SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT it was a figure of speech. She’d hoped that one bearing her name wouldn’t have to lose its life. They were such lovable little things, so round and soft and white. But deep in the dawning of a cold Monday morning, the rabbit died. Crazy rabbit.

It created certain problems because Carrie and Jimmy weren’t married, even though they had told all of their relatives and most of their friends that they were, just to avoid the hassles. But when Jimmy found out about the baby, he didn’t exactly run out of the apartment to buy a box of cigars. He just ran out.

Carrie was 20 years old, a very thin girl with very small bones and very blue…

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Children of Adoptees

Exposing Adoption

I’m not sure if I can write this article. It may or may not stay up. I am trying to be empathetic and see adoption through the eyes of a biological child, born and raised by their parent who is an adoptee. This article though may need to be written by such a person. All I can say is I will try my best here, and mean no harm.

Society overlooks a lot of things in adoption. There are next to no studies on first fathers, first fathers are always seen as never around, no psychological programs out there tailored to helping siblings who learn they have an adopted out brother or sister, and no support group, psychological tailored program, self-help book (you get the picture) for children of adoptees. The voice of a child-be they still a child or an adult- of that of an adoptee is completely mute…

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15 Things You Should Never Say to an Adoptee

Pushing on a Rope

If you’re adopted, you’ve likely heard many of the comments below. (I even heard three of ones on this list from members of my biological family early in my reunion with them.)

SHH Credit: Chiara Vitellozzi Fotografie | NuageDeNuit/Flickr

And if you’re not adopted, you may have uttered some of these chestnuts thinking you were being thoughtful and empathetic.

Trust me, you’re weren’t.

And on behalf of all adoptees, many of whom are working to #FliptheScript for National Adoption Awareness Month, I beg you to stop.

  1. You don’t look adopted.
  2. Who are your real parents?
  3. How much did you cost?
  4. What a gift you are to your adoptive parents.
  5. It was probably for the best. Who knows what kind of life you might have had otherwise?
  6. Why would you want to find your birth mother? She didn’t want you. 
  7. I have a friend who is perfectly fine with being adopted. 
  8. You must…

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Yes, I’m adopted. Please spare me the L word

Adoption Awareness…

Pushing on a Rope

On Wednesday, it’ll be National Adoption Month — the time when I and other adoptees work even harder then usual to dispel all the myths misconceptions around what it’s like to be adopted.

Luck Luck, by 8ShroomFairy8/Flickr

For reasons I’ll never understand, non-adopted people seem to feel they have license to weigh in on the adoptee experience. In my 51 years, I’ve heard any number of ridiculous comments about how I should feel to have been adopted. “Grateful” ranks up there (that pronouncement is often chased with a solemn comment about how glad I must be to have not been aborted. I’ve started to respond to that one with, “I’ll bet you’re grateful you weren’t aborted, too.”).

But my all-time favorite is how “lucky” I am to have been adopted — the idea being I needed a leg up in the world.

Yes, how lucky I am to have been relinquished…

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