Halves and Whole

 “And you know I ain’t never wanted no half nothing in my family.” ~Fences quote

Best line and scene in this movie and one that brought tears for me.

I am also a family of halves with no full biological sibling while my other siblings (three sets) that I grew up with each had one of theirs.  And yes, we said your dad and my dad and your mom and my mom.  Even our halves had halves.  Our family is convoluted.  And I didn’t want that for my kids or my family.

Growing up, my siblings often reassured me that they didn’t think of me as a half sibling but the facts were there.  We didn’t always do things together as whole.

The family pics were split.  Some with just the whole siblings and some by ourself/myself and some together with the halves.  As a little girl, I didn’t always understand.  I didn’t know why I had to get out of the picture.  Our mom would tell us, this was for their dad or their grandparents, but at the time, I was 4 or 5 and I was the only one being excluded.  I didn’t always understand why “they” (whoever they were), didn’t want me in their picture.  I remember once, our mother letting me and my half sister take a picture together.  It was clear it was to appease me and my insecurities.

Some of the moms, dads, or grandparents were actively involved and some were not.  That’s hard to explain to children and a hard pill for them to swallow.

When my brother died and made his will, I was the only one left out, while his full blooded sister and our shared father were both included.  It did hurt.  I didn’t care about the money.  He could have left me $20.00 or a family heirloom.  But it was the fact that there was no mention of me at all.

Sadly, it didn’t turn out as good as I had hoped for my boys.  I still grapple with the intent of my family to sever my ties with my youngest son.  But at least my sons have a full-blooded sibling.  They have the same biological mother and father.  And they have each other.

I know if anything happened to me, that Noah’s parents would adopt Jaren into their family as well.

3 thoughts on “Halves and Whole

  1. I am also from a family similar in situation in that I also only have half brothers and sisters, and they each have each other (my mom’s first two kids are from her first marriage, and my dad’s other three kids are from his marriage after he divorced my mom). I remember going to different family gatherings and being either referred to as Tom’s kid or Judy’s kid, and like you said at the beginning I was considered just like another family member. But as I got older that was definitely not the case, as my 3 little half sisters literally stopped talking to me after my dad died as if they no longer were required to have a relationship with me, and when my dad died I got nothing and the three of them, none with jobs, all suddenly begin taking trips abroad- clearly showing that he left something to them even though my stepmother claimed that he didn’t have a will. After battling infertility for several years through multiple rounds of IVF and miscarriage, we were so frustrated to come to the realization that our journey to become biological parents was not meant to be. We’ve gone through one failed International adoption and are hoping with all of our hearts that this final attempt at domestic adoption works out… We too can’t wait to be whole.


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