Recently, someone gave me a “shout out” on a birth community group that I follow and said that I had “an amazing positive outlook on the whole thing [adoption]”, and then referred the person seeking guidance to my blog.
When I wrote One Woman’s Choice, I wanted to provide as much detail of the emotions, fears and thought process that emerges from an unintended pregnancy. Each scenario and course we choose is different and unique for every female about how we move forward in our pregnancy. And there are many factors that can alter or change an outcome but the one thing I could do is provide a step by step process of one woman’s experience and how that process took shape in my life.
Mostly, I wanted to give someone, anyone various aspects to consider.
I wanted people to see that none of these choices are easy. And as women, we are the ones who most often struggle with little or no consideration from an hypocritical society.
So although I am delighted that people seem to think I have an amazing outlook, truth is, I have suffered with my adoption choice. I went through all the emotions just like each birth mother does. I suffered through depression and I was angry for many years at my son’s father and my family for not supporting me. I had scenes of regret and wished my absent child was in my home with his brother. Nothing would have made me happier than to keep both of my children.
And at times, I was even jealous of my son’s adoptive family.
I still have issues with the whole adoption process and with adoption agencies in general. And, I don’t think I will ever totally be okay with my choice to relinquish my parental rights to my son nor will I ever fully get over the pain.
However, I am thankful that we, my son’s adoptive parents and me, chose to travel uncharted territories and form unconventional solutions within our diverse family.
When Noah’s adoptive family made the choice to share him with me, after I made the choice to share him with them, it showed respect to me and their genuine love for their new son. When Noah had questions, his parents didn’t speak for me but rather they called me up and allowed him to speak with me directly so I could explain to my son in my own words why I chose adoption. Above all, Noah knows his brother, his birth parents and his extended biological family. He’ll never wonder who we are, where we are, or other questions an adoptee may face.
Looking back, I have to admit, it did appear that somehow God seemed to be blessing this choice. That has helped me put things back into perspective whenever I have gotten into my doubting mode.
I am not a Pro-Adoption advocate by any means and I think the system has many flaws. However, when a woman believes adoption is her best or only option, I do believe that “some” people (birth and adoptive parents) can work together mutually with respect for the sake of their shared child; not mine, not yours, but rather ours.